HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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