I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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