At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
