my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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