You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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