Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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