he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
birth control should be required to get into college
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They have beer where we have blood.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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