I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
