Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize