There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
