This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
