He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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