pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
