How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
