my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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