I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
