Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
