u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
