There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
