my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
