I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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