I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize