I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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