i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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