I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
