Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
