I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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