The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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