How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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