Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
