handjob tips. give me some.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize