i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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