Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
