I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
