I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
