Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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