one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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