Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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