I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
