she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
