What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
