U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There r osticjed everywhere
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
