I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
