Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
