Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
