If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
