the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
