there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
