She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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