Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
