when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
