do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Im part way to drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
