My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize