Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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