so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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