I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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