so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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