i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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