NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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