im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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