WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
