Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she told me i tasted like america
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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