All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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