I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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