My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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