Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
