Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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