Porn is love you can see.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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