Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
