took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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