Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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