i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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