No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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