So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
