Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
