I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
