You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
