According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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