My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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