U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
