No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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