When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize