i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she looked like the before picture.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
