dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
