im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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