is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
