You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
