apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
