i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
