I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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