Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize