the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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