Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
