She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
