i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
