porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
