Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize