You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
