My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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