Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
