Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize