It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
