I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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