so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
