I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
