That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
