You work out of a Hotel?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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