The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
