That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
